Funny Jokes, anyone?

[Robert****]

Have you heard the joke about the two dyslexics who walked into a bra...

[Spudman***]

I'm not sure I have, but I have heard about ants walking 2 abreast.

[strumsalot]

An elementary school teacher gave her class an assigment, to go home and think about something that is interesting to them and be prepared to tell the class about it the next day.

When it was little Bobby's turn to speak, he went to the blackboard and drew a small white dot with chalk and then sat back down.

The teacher ask Bobby if that was a period.

Bobby replied yes.

She then ask Bobby what was interesting about it.

Darned if I know, but my sister is missing hers which made mom faint, dad have a heart attack, and the boy next door join the Navy.

[tot_Ou_tard]

I hadn't heard that one before Sir Strumsalot.

[marnold***]

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insominac? He would lie awake at night, wondering if there really is a Dog.

A couple quickies from Monty Python:
There's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong!

It's like I've always said, "There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not."

And finally . . .
I'm tired of all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off!

[pie_man_25]

Q:how many blues musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:none, they can't afford the lights

Q:how many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light blb?

Q:wanna go ride bikes?


guy's walking to a bar, when all of a sudden a mobnkey starts following him, he gets in the bar and the monkey starts going crazy, and eventually eats one of the balls from the pool table, and the man, with the monkey, is forced to leave. A week later the man comes back, with the monkey, and he returns the ball from the pool table and apologises for what the monkey did, and he is alowed to stay, when the two watch the monkey take a peanut, put it up his rear, then take it out and eat it, then the bartender says "dude, that is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!" and the man replies "yeah, ever since that pool-table ball, he's measured before eating ever since!"


edit: I have some more but they're kinda political and can be considered offensive.

[duhvoodooman***]

Those remind me of a couple more:

Q: Which is worse, apathy or ignorance?

A: Hey, I don't know and I don't care!

~~~~~~~~~

A pirate walks into a bar with a car steering wheel sticking out the top of his britches. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, isn't that thing kind of uncomfortable?" The pirate says, "Arrrrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

[Katastrophe]

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?


Homeless.


How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


None. We have machines for that now.

[marnold***]

Seeing Katastrophe's post reminded me of a joke.

Do you know what the definition of "catastrophe" is? It's the award for the kitten with the nicest buns.

[duhvoodooman***]

Do you know what the definition of "catastrophe" is? It's the award for the kitten with the nicest buns.

This from a man of the cloth?!? I'm shocked....shocked, I tell you!!

Got any more?

[warren0728]

marnold if you lived closer to me i might start going to church!!

what can a large pizza do that a musician can't?

feed a family of 4!

ww

[Justaguyin_nc]

Need a Screen cleaner?

presshere

[Katastrophe]

Need a Screen cleaner?

presshere

Now, that's just funny, I don't care who you are!

[pes_laul]

OK at the beginning of summer when Ms. Dible got a new second grade class she always told her kids to speak in big people words. so when she asked little Sarah what she did for summer she replied "I took a ride on a choo choo" "No! we use big people words you rode on a train." she replied. Then she asked little tommy what He did He replied "I got a new bunny wabbit" "No you got a new rabbit, Remember big people words!" So she then asked little Billy what he did. He replied "I read a book" "Really? What book did you read" she replied. Billy thought about it real hard then puffed out his chest and said....."I read winnie the Sh^t"

[ted s]

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new BMW convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through his sparse hair.

Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even
more.

But, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the State Trooper behind him,
blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then
110, then 120.

Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and
pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the BMW, looked at his
watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If
you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll
let you go.

The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'


Have a good day, Sir,' replied the trooper.

[Adrian30]

Here's a funny avatar...

[warren0728]

The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'


Have a good day, Sir,' replied the trooper.

oh my god i almost spit my drink all over my laptop...thank you....thank you...


ww

[SuperSwede]

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the BMW, looked at his
watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If
you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll
let you go.

The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'


Have a good day, Sir,' replied the trooper.

Lol! +1

[pie_man_25]

oh my god i almost spit my drink all over my laptop...thank you....thank you...


ww

I laughed so hard my morning bacon and eggs came out my nose!

also pes laul's joke was pretty funny as well, maybe he should be named Pes LULZ instead, amirite?