I've Shared His Music, Now It's Time I Share My Son...

[wingsdad]

On my son Jim’s 33rd birthday, I posted a thread to share my 1995 recording of this song of his with you:

Without Wings

My dearest friends here - cb, Luvmyshiner ('shiner') and Just Strum ('strummy') - have known Jim since before I joined this fine forum almost 2 years ago all about what I'm compelled to share with all of you now, today.

13 years ago tonight - August 1, 1996 - at 8:45 pm, a phone call came that I hope & pray none of you have ever experienced, nor ever will.

Around 8 pm, working behind the cash register at a local Wherehouse Music & Video store, Jim cheerfully greeted a customer who put a few cassettes on the counter, then looked down to pick up the tapes. His greeting was returned with a .25 caliber Raven pistol pointed directly at his chest and a terse demand to open the register. Since the company policy forbade him from doing so without ringing a sale - only the manager's key could override - all Jim managed to say immediately was: "I can't..."

Without a second's hesitation, a single shot from 3 feet away by that little black pistol entered Jim's body under the rib cage, bounced around in his chest, ripped through 7 vital organs and within about 10 minutes, claimed his life on Earth at the age of 20.

In about 30 minutes, I'll be leaving with my wife & daughter and other family and friends who've joined us on this day since 1997 to visit Jim at the cemetery about an hour away. When we return home, we'll continue the celebration of his life as we always do - food, libations, music and tales of fond memories.

So, why do I open up my heart to you all, who only know me as a cyber-acquaintance with occasionally something valid to say about guitars and whatnot?

I dunno...but rather than go on and cross the border of forum rules regarding posting about politics, religion or anything else that might offend or disrespect people who believe otherwise, I'll just share Jim's mother's writings - most of them at least 10 years old, but still enduring - about Jim and 'Jim's Way'.

'Jim's Way' is best summarized by these words of his to his mother, not too long before he was taken physically, but not spiritually from this planet:

“…Mom, love is something you just give, and then if you are very lucky the person earns it.”

If you care to read on, the following links are here for 'the rest of the story':

Jim's Way

Bleeding Heart

Ordinary Day

Holiday Blues

Prison Visits

Death Pictures

Thanks.

 

[marnold]

Thanks for sharing that, wings. I haven't had to face that personally, but I have been there to comfort a number of people who have. It certainly puts all this other "stuff" in perspective. If there's somebody in your life that you love, give them an extra hug today. Travel safely. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[luvmyshiner]

Mick, it takes a lot of courage to share your pain. You are my friend and I have more respect for you than I can say. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today.

 

[bigoldron]

Wings, thanks for sharing this with us. I've never experienced the loss of a child, but I can only imagine your pain, especially at so cruel a way to lose one. I admire your wife for sharing her thoughts and writings. She has gone a long way toward making peace with herself over this.

We will definitely remember you in our prayers and thoughts. May God continue to bless you and comfort you.

 

[Perfect Stranger]

Sure makes guitars and other stuff not very important.
I'm so sorry for your loss...I can only imagine the pain.

 

[thekiwidisciple]

Mick, maybe it's the far too many refreshments I've had tonight, but your post truly upset me inside. It is far beyond a tradgedy that a human being would do something like that to another human being. Thanks for sharing, I know it takes a lot to open up and talk about things that have hurt you and obviously are very personal to you, especially "cyber-acquaintances". Visiting a loved one at a cemetary is never any fun, I know this from experience, but I bid you a safe journey, Sir.

 

[ibanezjunkie]

my sincere condolances to you and your family, and everyone who will be joining you on the always difficult cemetery visit. Its never an easy night. I dont think i could imagine your pain.

IJ.

 

[bigG]

wingsdad, I remember noticing, in the lower left-hand corner of the homepage, under "Upcoming Events": Aug 1 - My Bda, and I thought that simple note to be rather enigmatic. Was it Robert's birthday? No, he just had one recently, so my interest was peaked and it stuck in my head, for weeks, to see what August 1, and that simple message might have meant.

So, today I came to The Fret for no other reason than to discover its meaning. I felt compelled to do so.

As others have done, today I read your story, your wife's writings, and Jim's story...your families story. Now I understand. Yet I don't know what to say. Mere words seem to lack the breadth and depth of the love, grief, anger, hatred and ultimate redemption and beautiful lessons learned throughout your ordeal. But words are all we have here in cyberspace...

The obvious love for Jim in life is undeniable. The continuing love for Jim, and the enlightening lessons learned from his early passing are as real, and as touching, and as eloquent as anything I've ever read. It has touched me deeply, and my eyes have welled up with tears a few times.

May an everlasting peace and spiritual warmth be with you all. In life, and in death, Jim has taught all of us, enlightened all of us, and left an undying legacy.

From one simple human being to another, travelling through a life that holds so many unknowns, and so many possibilities, I salute you for the courage it must have taken to share Jim's story, and your story, and your wife's and family's story, and for the neverending unconditional love that he stood for.

From such tragedy comes such beauty. I think Jim is smiling, and very happy.

Condolences, and thankyou...

G

 

[tunghaichuan]

Wings,

Words fail me. Know that I am deeply sorry for your loss.

tung

 

[Katastrophe]

Mick, I'm sitting here at the computer, trying like heck to keep from crying. I mean, I don't know you, or your wife, other than your posts here on TheFret. But I took the time to read the links you provided, and I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you and Mrs. wingsdad have gone through.

I am also in awe, and completely floored by your strength. I admire you for what you two have been able to do.

I'm going to church tomorrow, for the first time in months. You can bet that I'll be saying a prayer for you, Mrs. wingsdad, and for Jim.

 

[sumitomo]

Wow thanks for sharing that Wings it is very well heart felt.I am very glad you have allowed us to be a part of this.Sumi P.S. Happy birthday!

 

[evenkeel]

The rest of the fretnet has captured everything I could possibly say. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[street music]

Wings, my heart goes out to you at this time. I appreciate the fact that you have shared his music and story with us. I only have one son and would rather not think of ever being without him in my life.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

Wings, words fail me as well. A horrible loss, and a grieve for you over it, and extend my best wishes and prayers. Thanks for trusting us enough to share.

 

[Robert]

Thank you for sharing this. I can not begin to even think I can understand how this would have affected you. I know it would tear me apart if it happened to me. Know that I feel for you deeply on this day. Nobody should have to go through something like this, ever.

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

Man Wings (& now I know what your name means Wing's Dad) that is simply an astounding story.

I am waiting to read through the links until I have more time so as to treat them with the respect they deserve.

Love to you & yours bro.

 

[just strum]

Mick, I know it had to be difficult typing your post, but I think it will be another step in healing. Having known about this for a couple of years (time goes by so fast), I am glad you felt comfortable enough with the people here to share a big part of your life.

Jim has to be so proud of his family, just as you are proud of him.

I am touched by your sharing and the reaction of the people here at the forum.

 

[street music]

Wings, I had to make another post. As I returned to this thread again to read the words again.
“If I don’t talk to them they will always be strange.”
and
Jim’s favorite song, by John Lennon, has true meaning to me now. Imagine… you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.

The recount of Jim's life and the fact that my father never met a stranger because he always spoke to everyone. He always said , you may not know each person you meet but they are strangers only if you don't greet them.
As I have told you before John Lennon is one of my favorite artist and I play Imagine at least once a week. I requested several years ago that it be played at funeral.
Again, I hope and expect that the time you and the family spent with Jim's friends today have made the day easier for all. The whole event has touched my life and I wasn't there in body, but my mind was sending every thought your way. If you can find the song that came to mind as I read the story again, another favorite of mine" ON A CLOUD" by Cross Canadian Ragweed please allow yourself to listen to the words.

 

[duhvoodooman]

My deepest condolences for the tragic loss of this fine young man. But also, you & his mom have my admiration for the positive things that you have done in his memory. Your strength is truly inspirational.

 

[tjcurtin1]

Blessings on you, your wife, and your son, WingsDad. What you have returned to the world in response to your tragedy is extraordinary. It is gestures - and spirits - like yours that move us all forward as human beings - thank you.

 

[wingsdad]

Hey, all ...

Finally logging in after a long, hard weekend. Let's just say I got pretty hammered after getting back home yesterday, as I seem to every 8-1, thanks to mi amigo Senor Patron. I paid for it last nite uke: and am just about done paying for it today.

But when I awoke this morning, I shook off the cobwebs and finally took a look-see here. It's taken me all day to fathom the graciousness of y'all, and to try to figure out how to express my appreciation.

From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank all of you for your words of kindness and support, your thoughts, your prayers. Rather than do a bunch of 'quote & thanks', that just wouldn't be adequate. I intend to pm each and every one of you with a personal word or 3, but it may take me a while to get to all of you.

I can't explain what compelled me to put this thread up, other than I finally felt secure enough here to let y'all know about Jim. I owe it to him, that's a promise I made, a pact with him, just as his mother did. I linked to her writings to offer some insight, because she's been the true 'standard bearer' in paying forward 'Jim's Way'.

In the end, I s'pose it's got something to do with the fact that not all of us here are parents, but all of us are someone's child.

So, thanks, again, and thanks in advance to those who'll find this thread henceforth and take the time to explore it.

OTH, I would be remiss if I didn't also apologize to everyone to this point and later on who feel that this is an inappropriate topic for the fret's 'general population'. After all, none of us come here to get bummed out...quite the opposite, I'm sure. This surely isn't a light-hearted topic.

Peace, all.

 

[Monkus]

condolences on your loss. i cannot imagine the pain and loss you feel. I feel privileged to read this post and add thoughts and prayers to you and your family. While this is a guitar forum, we are all members of humanity and I deeply appreciate your sharing. May the greater being that you serve give you and your family strength.

 

[just strum]

OTH, I would be remiss if I didn't also apologize to everyone to this point and later on who feel that this is an inappropriate topic for the fret's 'general population'. After all, none of us come here to get bummed out...quite the opposite, I'm sure. This surely isn't a light-hearted topic.

Peace, all.

Mick,

We are family, I surely hope no one took anything from this, but thoughts for your loss, admiration for the strength of you and your family, and a better understand of Jim.

I for one was glad to see the post because it was a part of you that you would never explain to most people here. You did it out of pride in Jim and your family - you did it for all the right reasons.

LMF,

 

[oldguy]

Mick,

We are family, I surely hope no one took anything from this, but thoughts for your loss, admiration for the strength of you and your family, and a better understand of Jim.

I for one was glad to see the post because it was a part of you that you would never explain to most people here. You did it out of pride in Jim and your family - you did it for all the right reasons.

LMF,

Absolutely.
No apology necessary here.
That you would share your story here speaks volumes. My sincerest condolences to all of you, and all the love in my heart goes out to you.

 

[Childbride]

Mick...

once again, i am struck numb by the immeasurably cavernous loss that you and your family have lived through.

i read Lynne's words again, and they make my hair stand on end just as the first time i read them.

i think you posted this for a lot of reasons... and it took a lot of courage to do so.

Jim's message, your family's message... they are powerful and you Pay Them Forward.

in the end, there is only Love.

you felt safe enough here to express it.

i feel deeply for you and yours, amigo.
k

 

[wingsdad]

I've been working my way thru my pledge to PM everyone and privately thank those who stepped up and expressed kindness and support....and gotten into some PM exchanges as a result...still have a few to catch up to...I can't overlook any of you ...

I will take a minute here to especially thank Strummy , OG , kimmie for these last few posts of yours...and your pm's, too.

...as I mentioned in a PM exchange with another good friend here yesterday (or was it this morning?) I could address and explain just how much Jim's loss from Earth has impacted me and my family but perhaps that's a topic of its own?

To continue on the topic of y'all getting to 'know' Jim, I must tell you this:

Two of Jim's co-workers at the Wherehouse store he worked opened a Memorial bank account the morning after his murder. On their own. And money just started pouring in from everywhere imaginable...from fiends and family, for sure, and co-workers of mine and from my employer/coroporation...but it was the kids with pockets of change, checks, cash.....from a variety of sources, from all over the country, anonymous or named, but most strangers to us otherwise, but much of it simply from our community. It was meant to help us pay for expenses, to do with as we needed. But there was WAY too much.

So, we (his mother, sister, his grandparents and I) quickly decided that Jim's goals of expressing his love for his fellow man thru music and other means, and of using his music as an agent of positive change -- whether personal & individual, or more social & global -- should best live on by means of a music scholarship at the local Community College, where he'd begun studying music and the guitar in earnest, and to meet others who sought to dedicate themselves to music.

After covering whatever excess expenses we couldn't deal with otherwise personally, we took the considerable balance of the money and put it into a trust account (invested, earning interest) with the local Community College's Foundation to establish the James Marien Memorial Music Scholarship. There's still enough in the account to fund the scholarship for another 10-12 years.

We know almost all of the 12 past recipients. They stay in touch with us, time to time. And it's incredible what they've done...most now music instructors at various levels of public and private schools, many also performing professionally or semi-professionally, or serving the ministries of their churches. A couple are all of the above.

And that's just one way Jim lives on.