Chuck Norris Facts

[Robert]

Crop circles are not signs from alien visitors, crop circles are proof that Chuck Norris thinks corn sometimes needs to lie the f*** dow

Chuck Norris does not get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he has to do a crying scene.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are known today as giraffes.

In the beginning, God said "Let there be light". Chuck Norris replied "One says "please" first".

Chuck Norris can speak in Braille.

Chuck Norris invented writing. Just to let a deaf guy know he was going to beat him up.

Chuck Norris is already dead. But death is just too afraid to come get him.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends".

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck norris does not read. He simply stares the book down until it surrenders all the information chuck wants.

 

[markb]

Tee hee! This is the photographers' version for, truly Ken Rockwell is the Chuck Norris of photography

http://blog.bahneman.com/content/ken-rockwell-facts?story=Ken_Rockwell_Facts

 

[duhvoodooman]

My son has a boatload of these. A few that I particularly liked:

Mathematical Chuck Norris facts:

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.​

Chuck Norris knows where Carman Sandiego is. Waldo, too.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

 

[bigoldron]

I like: If you can see Chuck Norris, then he can see you.

If you can't see Chuck Norris, prepare to die...

 

[deeaa]

LOL great stuff guys!

 

[MichaelE]

Until Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands, that's what they used to be called.

Now they are known as just 'The Islands'

 

[bcdon]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

 

[kiteman]

Chuck Norris don't need any kitchen gadgets to chop his carrots and onions.

(I thought that up )