Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the cost of "Twelve Days of Christmas" and "Eight Days of Chanukah" was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the "Fifteen Days of
Christmukah,", as the new holiday will be called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
In addition, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were declared to be Kosher.
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc. declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately, for all concerned, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.
The press conference was closed with rousing renditions of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful" and “Oyvay, Ye Merry Gentlemen.”
, an oh yeah, guitars:rockon:
