Quitting long term friendship

[Jimi75]

My wife's had a long term friend who get pretty rich because her husband inherited a load of money. It was a slow growing process and I knew that this was gonna come, although both had some talks over this and that points that they disliked. My wife contacted her friend once again through email, I told her that I am not a friend of quitting friendship or not talking to each other and that she should be wise and do the first step (nothing severe happened between the two women, no arguing or so...the contact just wasn't there). Her friend's answer came today - it was something like that she (her friend) is now someone else (might money be the reason?) and that she doesn't wish friendship anymore.

I personally believe in the value of friendship and that is doesn't depend on whether you are rich or you have influential friends. Sad story, but also a good chance to take a look in the mirror...

 

[oldguy]

That's too bad, Jimi.............
I've never believed that money (or lack of money) should be a reason for a friendship, or reason to end it.
Friendship is sometimes the result of people having common interests and beliefs. Cyberfriends here all have a common interest (guitars), but not necessarily common beliefs (a good reason to leave politcs and religion out of the equation). I think many of us would become good friends if we met in person, especially if we agreed to disagree about certain beliefs and focus on respecting one another as human beings. I don't know your wife or her friend, but I have seen money change people's behavior. A sudden windfall often exposes a self-centered side of a person. Other people act the same as they always have, which I consider a character trait that is admirable. It's a wonderful thing to be financially comfortable, but a self-centered person with lots of money is not a rich person. I personally know a man who made a fortune in the stock market, then a few years later lost it all, and he acted as if nothing had happened. He was much more concerned with his family and friends, and how they were doing. He went back to selling real estate and farming, and is as happy as he was before he had a fortune. He lives a comfortable life and his bills are paid, and he has many friends. He's always been a generous soul willing to help others, and he's a happy man.
Hopefully in the future your wife and her friend will become close again, but if not, perhaps her friend didn't value their friendship too much to begin with.

 

[Jimi75]

It's so true what you say Oldguy! Thank you for your kind answer.

 

[piebaldpython]

That's a shame about your wife and her friend. But....your wife can't make her friend do the right thing. That's up to the friend and sometimes, as hard as it may be, she just has to move on and remember the good times they had. Sure, she'll be sad, but in the end, to continue something that has "soured" will only make things worse. Been there, done that.

 

[just strum]

I guess I don't see the real issue here. It's not a knock on you, your wife, or her friend. People change and drift apart. I had two friends that I went to school with for 12 years and we were close for a few years after that, but eventually we drifted apart. It's unfortunate that it happens, but it's part of life and I guess the best way to look at it is to see it as a chapter completed and another beginning.

Your wife sounds like the grounded of the two, so maybe she will be the better for this episode in her life.

Just my "IMHO" so please don't take offense.

 

[bigoldron]

Jimi, you know the old saying, "with friends like that..."

 

[Brian Krashpad]

Jimi, you know the old saying, "with friends like that..."

I wonder if they actually say that in Germany, Ronnie Beth?

Although I've found that a lot of those types of sayings at least have analogs in other languages.

 

[Jimi75]

I wonder if they actually say that in Germany, Ronnie Beth?

Although I've found that a lot of those types of sayings at least have analogs in other languages.

Thanks Brian, to be honest Idon't know that saying and we have no analog for it in Germany. Could you complete it for me and explain the mmeaning?

 

[Brian Krashpad]

Thanks Brian, to be honest Idon't know that saying and we have no analog for it in Germany. Could you complete it for me and explain the meaning?

Ja! The full saying is "with friends like that... who needs enemies?"

Obviously, meaning a person who calls themself a friend should back it up with their actions, or they are not really a friend. Or something like that.

My wife teaches English to adults who speak other languages, so I know that expressions like that can be difficult.

Actually, though, English is plain difficult, in general.

 

[bigoldron]

I wonder if they actually say that in Germany, Ronnie Beth?

Although I've found that a lot of those types of sayings at least have analogs in other languages.

Yeah, I thought about that later after I had got offline. Thanks for clearing that up for Jimi. Sometimes I forget that we're a world-wide forum.

 

[sunvalleylaw]

Man, I hate hearing things like that. Well, I believe even if a friend is currently acting badly, don't slam the door in that person's face. Things may change, and one's own dignity is maintained by not reacting in kind. A hard thing for you and your wife to have her friend act like that though.

 

[Brian Krashpad]

Yeah, I thought about that later after I had got offline. Thanks for clearing that up for Jimi. Sometimes I forget that we're a world-wide forum.

No prob, my pleasure, actually in my first post I was kinda just messin with you. It just turned out by odd coincidence that Jimi didn't get it.

 

[Jimi75]

No prob, my pleasure, actually in my first post I was kinda just messin with you. It just turned out by odd coincidence that Jimi didn't get it.

Hey :bravo: I try my best...

Thanks for explaining friends!

 

[Bloozcat]

Well Jimi, the other woman probably never was a friend in the first place. Not in the truest sense of the word "friend", at least.

Many whom we call "friends" are merely acquaintances with whom we have a lot in common. We enjoy their company but the friendship is based on a certain status quo in which the acquaintances meet on somewhat equal terms. There are parameters to these "freindships".

Other friends are people with whom we share a lot in common and with whom we form a deeper bond that transcends just the superficial. It is a relationship marked by deep caring for one another that can't be shaken by disagreements, or the inevitable changes that life brings. They're based on each others qualities, not extraneous circumstances.

Then there's friendship that's based on mutually shared ideals, respect, and core beliefs. There is loyalty and trust that far exceeds any other friendship. There is a mutual love for each other as in that of a family member. A frienship that is unquestioned, someone whom you could call at any time of the day or night with a problem and they'd never turn you away. If you were in trouble, they'd be the first one there. They'd defend you if you've been wronged, and defend you equally when you are wrong. You could entrust your family to them and they would defend them as their own...because friends like this are family. You can count on them to the end. Friends like this are few and far between. Most people would be fortunate to have one or two friends like this in a lifetime. Some of us are fortunate enough to have actually married a friend like this.

We have friends who are very wealthy, and we have friends who have very little. The common bond in either case and all those in between is genuine affection and respect for each other.

Money can change people and we have had friends who became more attached to money than their "friends". Funny, but I've found that these types of people were always the superficial friends, or better yet, acquaintances, rather than true friends. Sounds like your wife's "friend" was one of these, Jimi...

 

[Brian Krashpad]

Hey :bravo: I try my best...

Thanks for explaining friends!

Bitte schön meine Freund!

 

[Jimi75]

Thanks for your comments!
Vielen Dank meine Freunde!

 

[sumitomo]

Once I lived the life of a millionaire:::::::::::Sumi

 

[kiteman]

Sorry to hear about your "friend" but maybe you're better off without 'em.

Money does funny things to people. Here's what happened to me.

I got my retro-benefits last November, granted it's only $15K so that's like a windfall. Before I got the money I drove an old car, wore used clothes, etc and my friends are better off than me. That didn't bother me as I value friendships and always have a good word for them.

Now I got a better car, paid almost 7K for everything (title, tax, repairs) and I bought a bunch of new clothes (lots). Also stuff for the house like a new stove and a tv. I also got what I wanted for a long time, a new guitar and an amp.

Guess what happened? They snubbed me. My so called friggin friends.

I guess I found out the truth unfortunately. I have a couple of friends who were genuine and I'm spending more time with them now.

I got online friends though. :beer:

too bad none of ya wanna help me paint my house. :rotflmao:

 

[oldguy]

Hey, if I wasn't just called back to work, I'd help you paint your house!
(as long as you didn't care what it looked like when I was done.......fwiw, my brother's house looks good...as long as you like John Deere green and yellow! )
:rotflmao:

 

[kiteman]

Heh, green and yellow. My house would really stand out. :rotflmao: