recon someone can gimme a straight answer?

[ibanezjunkie]

riight, ive been asking this question all over for like a week now and no one has given me a simple straight answer, if anything, they avoided the question.

right here it is. im 15, my girlfriend is 4 months older than me, but still 15. so its two 15 year olds. i was wondering, if we could be engaged without having to ask our parents? becasue i KNOW her parents wouldnt let me propose, or if they found out her dad would play cricket with my head or something.

answers please? thaanks.

 

[R_of_G]

i don't think there is an age restriction on being engaged. age wouldn't be an issue until you actually tried to get married. that, of course, does not account for what her parents or your parents would do to you if you did propose, but so far as i know, there isn't anything legally preventing you from doing so.

 

[ibanezjunkie]

the bit about legal prevention is a relief. im not so much worried about what my parents think tbqh. we just want to be engaged, because it gives us some real committment. we were pretty much best friends for almost a year before i finally asked her out, and since then another 8 months have passed. iver loved her secretly since i met her, and i wanna committ to staying with her. we dont intent to get married until shes finished fulfilling her ambition to become a psychiatrist. which involves multiple PHDs. so we wont be marrying until were atleast 22/3.

 

[marnold]

right here it is. im 15, my girlfriend is 4 months older than me, but still 15. so its two 15 year olds. i was wondering, if we could be engaged without having to ask our parents? becasue i KNOW her parents wouldnt let me propose, or if they found out her dad would play cricket with my head or something.

I don't know what the laws are in the UK, but I'm pretty sure that in the U.S. you couldn't get married before 18 without parental consent. Here engagement has no legal standing whatsoever.

Now from a practical standpoint I'll say this: don't get engaged. Let me repeat that: don't get engaged. It's great that you are deeply in love with each other. Wonderful. I'm also glad that you seem to have a solid head on your shoulders for future plans. But there's no need to get engaged seven or eight years in advance of getting married. That's 50% as long as you've lived! Live your life. Enjoy your teenage years. Learn who you are. When you hit 20 if the two of you are still an item, then talk about it.

Another practical item: it's not wise to start a relationship by ticking off your future in-laws, unless you really want your life to be a little slice of Hell. When you marry a woman you marry her whole family.

 

[ibanezjunkie]

I don't know what the laws are in the UK, but I'm pretty sure that in the U.S. you couldn't get married before 18 without parental consent. Here engagement has no legal standing whatsoever.

Now from a practical standpoint I'll say this: don't get engaged. Let me repeat that: don't get engaged. It's great that you are deeply in love with each other. Wonderful. I'm also glad that you seem to have a solid head on your shoulders for future plans. But there's no need to get engaged seven or eight years in advance of getting married. That's 50% as long as you've lived! Live your life. Enjoy your teenage years. Learn who you are. When you hit 20 if the two of you are still an item, then talk about it.

Another practical item: it's not wise to start a relationship by ticking off your future in-laws, unless you really want your life to be a little slice of Hell. When you marry a woman you marry her whole family.

to be really honest, she is my life, and she has been the only person ive ever truely loved. apart from guitar i do nothing else, its guitar or her. so i wouldnt miss anything by committing now. im gonna leave it till after the summer this year, and see where i stand financially, socially and school-wise.

 

[Rocket]

Engaged, disengaged, married, single... without intent they're all just words. If you already have the intent you shouldn't feel so pressed to attach a mere word to it.
Live, love, eat, sleep... you're really too young to feel so much of life's weight unnecessarily. Give yourself a break!

 

[ibanezjunkie]

Engaged, disengaged, married, single... without intent they're all just words. If you already have the intent you shouldn't feel so pressed to attach a mere word to it.
Live, love, eat, sleep... you're really too young to feel so much of life's weight unnecessarily. Give yourself a break!

to be honest, being engaged to a girl im madly in love with would be the onyl good thing thats come out of the last 4 years of teenager-ness.

slags, cheating, fights, exams, Fs, ungradeds, fails and flunks.

woo for youth, i wish i was 50.

 

[sumitomo]

I knew this was gunna happen when I first read this,but here goes,We are a little older and we feel wiser cause well I for one have made mistakes that I would not want others to experience because they were not worth it and getting married young is way cool if the couple is ready but dont marry just for love cause love can come and go,marriage is a lifetime commitment.So enough of me I am glad you did ask some older guys and I truly hope you two do share a lifetime of growth and love together. Sumi

 

[ibanezjunkie]

I knew this was gunna happen when I first read this,but here goes,We are a little older and we feel wiser cause well I for one have made mistakes that I would not want others to experience because they were not worth it and getting married young is way cool if the couple is ready but dont marry just for love cause love can come and go,marriage is a lifetime commitment.So enough of me I am glad you did ask some older guys and I truly hope you two do share a lifetime of growth and love together. Sumi

were not rly planning on gettign married till our mid twenties anyway, just engagement, because i need soemthing to focus me, and being engaged would probably do that. when i think 'whats the point' shes always the first thing i think about. and i know exactly what id be getting myself into, im mature enough to know that its a life long promise, and its a promise im willing to make and keep.

thanks for all the replies btw.

 

[Spudman]

woo for youth, i wish i was 50.

This is going to be good for and "I told you so" later in life. Cherish your youth mate.

And this one too

and i know exactly what id be getting myself into,

Life often doesn't seem fair at 15. We all know that because we've all been there. Marnold is right, don't go ticking anybody off over this. A lot can happen in the months and years to come. Go easy and be smart. If you make a fuss then your parents can do whatever they want legally to make you adhere to their rules, and you never want to be forced into doing anything ever. Be a cool cucumber and let life take it's course. If you and she are meant to be together then you will be together. Nothing can stop that. But if you aren't then forcing the issue will only make matters worse and you'll get really frustrated.

Let life take it's course and enjoy the ride. Just remember it's not always going to be the ride that you expected.

Oh, don't forget to keep playing your guitar...a lot.

 

[duhvoodooman]

Another practical item: it's not wise to start a relationship by ticking off your future in-laws, unless you really want your life to be a little slice of Hell. When you marry a woman you marry her whole family.

Wise words here from Rev Rawk!! :AOK: :master:

 

[just strum]

You aren't going to listen to any advice that is attempting to direct you away from this decision, so it really is a waste of time.

You are soliciting an answer to a question where many of the members have had more than one marriage and maybe made the initial decision very early in life. Yet, you aren't even interested in listening to what they have to say. (where's Shiner when you need him?)

Get your personal life together before making such a big move. Another person isn't going to make the "last 4 years of teenager-ness. - slags, cheating, fights, exams, Fs, ungradeds, fails and flunks."

Make a commitment to and for yourself, before making a commitment to someone else.

 

[Moshe]

Being engaged means NOTHING without a ring and a wedding date.

 

[luvmyshiner]

Well I'm going to have to disagree with all these guys Ibanezjunkie. Hell, not only should you get engaged, you should go ahead and forge your parents signatures and get married. Trust me, it'll be great.

Then again, I'm a divorce lawyer, and I believe everyone should get married early and often.

Like the others, I'm not sure you really want to hear our advice. You're just looking for someone to affirm your decision. But I've been married a WHOLE WHOLE WHOLE WHOLE lotta times son, so I guess that makes me qualified to add my two cents.

I'm glad you're in love. When you're 15 and in love, the world is a wonderful place. But quit thinking so much about words, and titles, and status, and stuff. Just spend as much time with her as you can without neglecting your studies, friends and family, enjoy every second of life, and quit trying to grow up so damn fast. Trust me, it'll happen soon enough.

 

[piebaldpython]

Slow the heck down and stop worrying about this engagement nonsense and just ENJOY being boyfriend/girlfriend. While talk of engagement is all very fine and good and CUTE........the word ENGAGEMENT of a 15 yr old girl will scare the crap out of her parents.......and then they will talk to YOUR parents....and between the 4 of them, they will put your nuts into a vise so tight that you will never see the girl. Discretion is the better part of valor in this instance. Have fun and chill out dude.
I am a 52 yr old father of a darling 22 yr old daughter. If some 15 yr old kid had wanted to get engaged to my 15 yr old daughter......that "conversation" would not have gone very well.

 

[Childbride]

when you are 15, you live life in your heart.

every day is a roller coaster of emotions. passions.
beliefs, and questioning who and what you are.

i have concern that you place your self-worth in a perceived state of being. a word makes nothing of who you are or what you feel.

does being in a band make you an artist at guitar? no. you cry your soul into those strings and that is what makes you what you are as a player.

can anyone feel what you feel for emma right now? no. your feelings for her are unique. a footprint on your life. does a word, 'engaged', change your relationship? no.

you can live in this state of love and emotion for the rest of your life. the word changes nothing. so why is the word so important?

i have concern, and would warn you as a woman, that to threaten, alienate, or damage the relationship with her family will alter the course of your relationship forever, and detrimentally. those bonds are deep. they can damage your relationship with emma. be careful where you tread.

i wish you luck, and i wish you love. i wish you clarity of thinking, and strength to be a man... and to know that to be a man, you must think of your life together in all things, to cement your education, your future. because you will have to grow together to stay together, and to do that, you will have to see beyond your heartbeat and your passion. you will have to see to your mutual futures.

embrace your music. do not place meanings in words.

good luck in all things.

 

[ZMAN]

All I can say is that I have been with the same girl/woman since we were 13.
we didn't get engaged until we were 20 and married at 21. In those days we were "going steady" That meant we were not dating anyone else. She became a Teacher and I became an accountant and we have been married 41 years. I refer to her as my first wife just to keep her on her toes. LOL.
So it can be done.

 

[tjcurtin1]

I love this place! IJunkie, there's a lot of heart-felt thought coming your way here. Breathe, let go a little and take it in. I understand your passion for this other wonderful human being who gives you that feeling of completeness - the half that is/was missing. The others have spoken wisely about the other aspects of your life that these feelings are set in - keep some space for the rest of your life, while you enjoy the power of love.

 

[sumitomo]

Oh and in the famous words of Robin Williams uses yourself some protection,and trys to use more than a condom cause a condom ain't nothing but a trampoline for sperm's,and them suckers comes sailing out of there at 500+ miles an hour,it's like trying to stop a train with a toothpick. Sumi

 

[R_of_G]

Being engaged means NOTHING without a ring and a wedding date.

On that I could not disagree more, especially on the date. My wife and I were no less committed to one another or to marrying one another before we set a date. The date is often just a practical date on which the most number of people you'd want to invite can reasonably be expected to attend. I fail to see why setting a date makes an engagement more meaningful than it was before. My wife and I were just as engaged before we set a date then we were after. We just knew what specific day we'd be getting married.

The ring is nothing but a symbol. Plenty of people don't even use them. It may be comforting for people to have a physical symbol of the engagement but its absence by no means renders an engagement meaningless as you suggest.

 

[bigG]

A straight answer: I have no idea.

Seems to me you can be engaged at any age...?

 

[Katastrophe]

:thwap:

Don't do it, man. You're not old enough for engagement. Teenage life is so full of turmoil and uncertainty.

How do you know what's gonna happen after school? Are you going to the same university? What about jobs?

BTW, guys and gals, I wonder how grungeiceman is doing these days. Anyone remember him?

Listen to Marnold. He's got it right.

 

[Blaze]

I had been with a woman for 21 years without any engagement or union contract.It went pretty good is nt !!...

Come on, your 15 ,don't be so hurry to get in the adult too complex world..

Take your time & love that girl with your heart & soul..

 

[Monkus]

Dude... I feel your angst. While still in my first marriage, and totally still in love, I nearly proposed to two women in my early twenties. 15 years later I'm glad I didn't. You feel like you cant breathe, there's this buzz when she's around, she smiles and angels start singing, I know it happens, I'm still there. Here's the rub...can you guys sustain that at from 15 till death do you part??? Do you both have the emotional and financial tools to treat each other like you both deserve ??? If this is real and you can feel it in your bones, it'll wait till you can afford to make the right decisions for both of your lives. Plan, and enjoy each other, the wait will be worth it.

Since this is a guitar forum, seems like this is song material. Write something, get it out there. Post it when you're done so we can tell you how awesome it is (or isn't). Writing, composing, arranging and recording is very cathartic. Rock on dude, don't lose her before you have her... R

 

[ibanezjunkie]

in answer to the question of 'what about after school', shes going off to Med school if everything goes her way, and we plan to live together while she studies and i work a job somewhere.

and i can honestly, say, without her i have nothing. i cant actually see how engagement would change my life in any way? it can be broken off in a snap anyway, its not been legally binding since the early 70s if in correct.

so im gonna see how stuff goes.

thanks for all the input, its taken int oconsideration

 

[Spudman]

So are you saying that you are nothing without her? That's not a good way to be. You might want to consider bringing something to the relationship. So far you are saying you are nothing and that's not good. A bright med student will only tolerate 'nothing' so long and then some of those 'something' doctors are going to start looking good compared to 'nothing'.

Before you can truly have a great relationship you need to be whole. Work on that. It's not much fun for the other person when their partner isn't strong within themselves. Surely you have some talent or skills that you can develop? You might want to be sure to focus on those while you are building this relationship or that greener grass might start looking pretty good to her.

 

[just strum]

So are you saying that you are nothing without her? That's not a good way to be. You might want to consider bringing something to the relationship. So far you are saying you are nothing and that's not good. A bright med student will only tolerate 'nothing' so long and then some of those 'something' doctors are going to start looking good compared to 'nothing'.

Before you can truly have a great relationship you need to be whole. Work on that. It's not much fun for the other person when their partner isn't strong within themselves. Surely you have some talent or skills that you can develop? You might want to be sure to focus on those while you are building this relationship or that greener grass might start looking pretty good to her.

Well said.

 

[ibanezjunkie]

So are you saying that you are nothing without her? That's not a good way to be. You might want to consider bringing something to the relationship. So far you are saying you are nothing and that's not good. A bright med student will only tolerate 'nothing' so long and then some of those 'something' doctors are going to start looking good compared to 'nothing'.

Before you can truly have a great relationship you need to be whole. Work on that. It's not much fun for the other person when their partner isn't strong within themselves. Surely you have some talent or skills that you can develop? You might want to be sure to focus on those while you are building this relationship or that greener grass might start looking pretty good to her.

what i mean by 'im nothing without her' is that im an empty person without her. shes what makes my life complete

she makes me confident with my self and when im with her im really happy with myself and everything

and as for talent and skills, im not sure if 6 years of guitar counts? =] she says that she likes me playing guitar cus it gives me something to do when were not together or when shes doign external exams or something.

as a couple we've been told we're really good together. i have my friends aswell, but id really like to take my relationship with Emma to the next level.

 

[marnold]

i cant actually see how engagement would change my life in any way? it can be broken off in a snap anyway, its not been legally binding since the early 70s if in correct.

Well, if engagement isn't going to change your life and can be broken in a snap then what's the point? It becomes totally meaningless. It's an empty gesture. So basically you gain nothing and you risk the ire of the parents.

The only benefit as far as I can see of the western concept of engagement is to alert families to prepare for a wedding. I always encourage the members of my congregation to keep engagements as brief as possible. In my experience, unnecessarily long engagements lead to trouble. They tend to come when either the couple is ill-prepared for marriage or one of the two really aren't that sure about the whole arrangement.

 

[Spudman]

what i mean by 'im nothing without her' is that im an empty person without her. shes what makes my life complete

she makes me confident with my self and when im with her im really happy with myself and everything

That's what I'm saying. You'd better get a complete life on your own. Why would anyone in their right mind want to be with a person that isn't already confident with them self and complete already? Any person that isn't complete is needy. That is not a good person to be in a relationship with. It drains the other person to always be providing to the needy one. Not very fair if you ask me.