T2TB - I guess you can consider me as a tough dad also. A yes was a yes and a no was a no. No in-between with me. The best thing that two parents can do is to back each other up in all decisions concerning the children. But you must also be a team. When one parent is tough, the children should know that they can go and talk to the other one. But the answer must still remain the same. If the parents don’t, then the children learn how to manipulate them both. The one play the softer one can express that they will try to maybe shorten the sentence.
My kids are 21, 23, and 29. My son is in the middle and has 3 years in the Navy. He came to me this past Christmas visit and told me that he now understands why I was so tough on him to be truthful and live by his word. He actually thanked me for being tough and that he loved me for it. He said he now knows I did it out of love. Dang man I just got a tear in my eye. I’ll call this tear a tear of joy and happiness.
My oldest daughter who I adopted at 3 years of age had a problem when she found out the true story. She has talked with her real father and … well she did not like what she discovered. She since has told me that she is very glad I adopted her and is proud to call me her real father. Another joy in my life!
My youngest … well she isn’t quite there yet with the maturity, but she getting there. She has thanked me and testified that she is happy who her parents are. Out of all the friends she has known, we are the only parents she knows that are still married to each other. She still claims I was a little to tough on her. I told her that’s what she gets for being born last.
So even though times seem tough, there is a reward at the end when the children grow up and become adults. All they want you to do right now is love them, be there for them, but at a distance of course.
I had an old supervisor from years ago who gave me some of this same advice. He always ended his conversation by stating that the fruit does not fall far from the tree. Be a good tree and you will bear good fruit. I always held that close to my heart in tending with my children.
Now when we get together there's my wife and myself, my daughters and son and sons in law and 4 grandchildren (so far). Very happy times.
I hope I am not being a pain or a bore with all this information I am passing on. I will try to tone it down, but there are to many dysfunctional families out there and I want to help where and when I can. I came from and believe in family unity. Blood is thicker than water.
SS – get learned, if there is such a word. As T2TB stated “out there” is anywhere but where you are.
