The Musician's Ultimate Joke Book

[duhvoodooman]

Took my son w/ me to today over to the local Guitar Center to pick up a couple of cables for my new amp, and he spotted the above titled book and had to have it. We've already gotten the $10 purchase prices back in belly laughs. Here's one that tickled me:

Q: What do you call somebody who hangs out with musicians?

A: A drummer.​

More to come. Many, many more....

 

[Katastrophe]

Q: How many drummers does it take to put in a lightbulb.







A: None. We have machines to do that now. :R

 

[duhvoodooman]

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. The piano player can do it with his left hand.​

And while I'm at it, let's not forget us guitarists:

Q: What do you call a guitar player with no girlfriend?

A: Homeless. ​

 

[SuperSwede]

Q How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Eight, one that changes the light bulb and seven that says that they could do it better.

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

Q How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Eight, one that changes the light bulb and seven that says that they could do it better.

How long does it take a guitarist to change a lightbulb?

...2 minutes per bulb and 3 days spent looking at the hue of the of the bulb and wondering whether he should put the GE Reveal back in or spring for a high quality NOS Sylvania 60 Watt.

I'd be playing my guitar right now, but ya'know those cheap production 60 watters have a harsh yellow hue to them & I am to busy fiddling with the dimmer switch to see if I can bring down the yellow without making the whole room too dark & muddy looking!

 

[Justaguyin_nc]

Q - Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?

A - So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q - What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?

A - A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

How long does it take a guitarist to change a lightbulb?

...2 minutes per bulb and 3 days spent looking at the hue of the of the bulb and wondering whether he should put the GE Reveal back in or spring for a high quality NOS Sylvania 60 Watt.

I'd be playing my guitar right now, but ya'know those cheap production 60 watters have a harsh yellow hue to them & I am to busy fiddling with the dimmer switch to see if I can bring down the yellow without making the whole room too dark & muddy looking!

I'd go florescent for the reliabilty, but they always look sooo florescently.

Are there any good hybrid incandescent/florescent bulbs? I am also in the market for a good flourescent modeling bulb, particularly if it can model a good handwired boutique bulb.



....ooooohhhh, look at the *SATURATION* when I crank the dimmer!

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

I'd go florescent for the reliabilty, but they always look sooo florescently.

Are the any good hybrid incandescent/florescent bulbs? I am also in the market for a good flourescent modeling bulb, particularly if it can model a good handwired boutique bulb.



....ooooohhhh, look at the *SATURATION* when I crank the dimmer!

There are some good modeling bulbs, but they usually get their color saturation from prefiliment clipping, for true rich color saturation you have to overload the filament itself!

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

There are some good modeling bulbs, but they usually get their color saturation from prefiliment clipping, for true rich color saturation you have to overload the filament itself!

By the way, does anyone know of a good 30 watt bulb that can achieve color saturation at low light levels? I'd like to use it in my bedroom without disturbing my wife.

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

Supposed I want to overdrive the filament in my bulb, I looking for smooth, rich, and creamy color saturation. I've heard that there are devices that will boost the power to the bulb. Is there any point to paying the premium for a two filament all incandescent boost? Or will a cheaper florescent booster work just as well?

 

[SuperSwede]

tot_Ou_tard, perhaps you should check out the kind of bulbs they use on fotball arenas. Very cozy light from those. I think you can get away with a 1500W system before the wife wakes up

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

Whhoooaaaa!! 1500 watts of pure bulby hue!!!!

--With this bulb I get no blazing solos

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

Ooooohhh, the *GLOW*!

 

[warren0728]

Supposed I want to overdrive the filament in my bulb, I looking for smooth, rich, and creamy color saturation. I've heard that there are devices that will boost the power to the bulb.

i think you are looking for the bad "moon"key device....produces a nice warm glow...especially around harvest time.

ww

 

[duhvoodooman]

Just wait until a hot day this summer, when everybody is running their A/C. The power company won't be able to keep up, and a "brown-out" will occur. Brown is good. Very, very good. Guys pay big bucks for brown!

AAMOF, iit get's much browner around here, I don't know if I will be able to take it....

 

[tot_Ou_tard]

What is brown exactly?...Is it an acronym for edge of breakup? What is the brownest recorded song that you know & I'll listen to it.

I've spent my life enjoying music, but it wasn't until I started to play that I realized that I hadn't a clue about music. Never heard of a single coil or a humbucker before last fall and I *think* I understand what strat quack means. I play my fat strat like SD in the 2 & 4 notch & say to myself is that a duck? I think that's a duck.

Tele twang is easier.

Quak, quack, twang, twang...

'tard

 

[Spudman]

You heard about the drummer that locked his keys in his car?
He had to break a window to get the bass player out.

 

[ZoSo65]

You heard about the drummer that locked his keys in his car?
He had to break a window to get the bass player out.

LOL,,I know a couple people that will really enjoy that one.

 

[duhvoodooman]

Q: What did the drummer get on his SAT's?

A: Drool.

 

[warren0728]

Q: What did the drummer get on his SAT's?

A: Drool.

lmao....my roomate (before marriage) is a drummer so i always love a good drummer joke!

ww

 

[duhvoodooman]

What is brown exactly?...Is it an acronym for edge of breakup? What is the brownest recorded song that you know & I'll listen to it.

Yeah, exactly--that warm, fat breakup you get from an overdriven Humbucker. I guess we all have our own subjective concept of the term, but I tend to associate it with classic rock of the 70's and early 80's, played on a Les Paul. "Brownest recorded song"? Hmmm, would have to think about that for a while....

 

[duhvoodooman]

Q: You're driving down the road and you see your band's singer and drummer crossing the road just ahead. Which one do you run over first, and why?

A: The singer. Business before pleasure.

 

[r_a_smith3530]

Of course there is this old classic...

An accordianist and a 'Bone player do a New Year's Eve gig. After the gig, the promoter comes up and tells them how fantastic they were, and that he would really love to have them return next year if they aren't already booked.

The 'Bone player looks to the Accordianist and says, "Hey that's great! We can just leave our axes here!"

 

[SuperSwede]

"Brownest recorded song"? Hmmm, would have to think about that for a while....

ZZ Top, Brown Sugar

 

[r_a_smith3530]

ZZ Top, Brown Sugar

Actually SS, I'd have to go with either "Mr. Limousine Driver," "In Need," or "Inside Looking Out" off of Grand Funk Railroad's 1969 release, "Grand Funk," although ANY song from that album reeks of brown!

And if bass can have a "brown sound" as well, it don't get any browner than Mel. Schacher simply flat out ROCKS!!! The cool thing is Mel's still got it today. A Zon Sonus4, a Tech21 SansAmp, and an overdriven Ampeg SVT!

Tone Deluxe!!!

:R :R :R

 

[SuperSwede]

I must check out that Grand Funk Railroad album then

 

[duhvoodooman]

ZZ Top, Brown Sugar

Ya know, Swede, ZZ Top was the first band that popped into my mind, too. Tunes like Tush, LaGrange, pretty much anything off Eliminator, etc. The Who could get brown in a big way; Won't Get Fooled Again is a classic brown power chord tune. I just love Pete's tone on that tune and several others on Who's Next. When I figured out how to get some good overdriven tone with the new Peavey amp, that was one of the first tunes I cranked up!!

Another great example of brown, but very different, was the tone Duane Allman got out of that old LP he played. Just gorgeous, both straight up and slide. And EC on the Beano album was brown before any of us knew what to call it!

I still have no idea what I'd call the "brownest" song I ever heard. Not sure that question can really be answered--there are so many different shades of brown!!

 

[duhvoodooman]

Of course there is this old classic...

An accordianist and a 'Bone player do a New Year's Eve gig. After the gig, the promoter comes up and tells them how fantastic they were, and that he would really love to have them return next year if they aren't already booked.

The 'Bone player looks to the Accordianist and says, "Hey that's great! We can just leave our axes here!"

Q: How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombone player's car?

A: Remove the "Dominos" sign from the roof.

 

[r_a_smith3530]

I must check out that Grand Funk Railroad album then

Grand Funk @ Amazon

New and Used at under six bucks!

 

[SuperSwede]

Rob, I already found it at the iTunes music store.